Riding the waves

The days until I start my first chemo treatment are down to 2 . I start on Monday feb.27th this date was pushed up 3 days not sure why but I just go with the flow . The date now is actually on my diseased oldest brother's birthday , we lost Gary in a sudden and tragic illness/accident . I think about him often especially since being diagnosed with this life threatening disease. I think of him  in a better place watching over me and know he too  by my side giving me hope and strength to fight and overcome this monster inside .
I went to the cancer centre for a chemo class . There were about 30 other people in attendance , all walks of life , men and women all there for the same reason about to be treated for various cancers. Most had some family support and some were alone . I as usual had Kevin there with me  ,there is not a day that goes by I thank God for Kevin he is such a great support for me . The class itself was a review of all the information I had already received in many pamplets , books ect that they give to you when first starting this journey ..Kevin's sense of humour was as active as ever and helped me get through all the explanations about the waves I was about to ride in this journey . Its some serious stuff and could be very emotionally draining . When I looked around at other people I did noticed that a few people were overcome and were having a hard time with the whole process . I did ok through it all in part because I have gained a wealth of knowledge about my disease and treatments before this class so there were really no suprises for me and of course Kevin kept me giggling at times with his insane sense of humour . At the end of the lecture we did a tour of the chemo place where they will be administrating my treatment  , there were about 30 people getting  treatments , lots of RN's in blue gowns .There was also a good size waiting room where another 15 people sat and waited for their treatment . I was approched by a healthteam professional ,   she proceeded to give me a booklet to overlook over the weekend . I was asked to take part in a Randomize, Double blinded placebo-controlled study as a treatment for women with early stage breast cancer with high risk for recurrence I was already informed I was going to be asked when I first met with my oncologist a few weeks back . It is up to me if I choose to do this I have the weekend to make my final decision . I have already read all the information givin.
I 've been up since about 330 am ,the mind was wondering about and sometimes it goes to pretty dark places but I am pretty good at snapping it back to happier thoughts. I find however when my head is active with thoughts there is no real way of silencing it so I got up started to check online for some stuff for my wedding , Its a happy time for me and Kevin underneath all the cancer stuff . Riding the waves is what this journey is all about I realise there will be big ones ,small ones ,  rough and smooth ones . In the end I beleive they will take me to the place I am meant to be .

Treatment/oncologist

A phone call from the cancer clinic was a bit hard for me . They were calling to set up  an appointment with the oncologist . I think it just brought home the fact Of my illness . I met the oncologist and other team members , Kevin and Alicia were there every step as I was examined ,questioned and then informed of recommended treatment for my cancer. I will be having 6 rounds over 5 months of chemo , rest, 6 weeks of radiation and 5 years of hormone treatment . I feet very comfortable with the doctors and nurse . I try and just deal with things a day at a time or at least one aspect of the treatment and or side affects ... I feel for me I need to be informed and educate myself along the way , they say knowledge is power and I am a firm believer. I also need to be proactive like I will decide when to shave my head before its affected by chemo drugs .
I've had a bone scan and chest ex ray ,there is a spot on my sterun and I will be having a chest abdomen and pelvic ct also I had blood work and a mugga scan ( this is a scan that will give them a base line on how my heart is working at pumping blood ect as the chemo affects the heart it is a standard test to have before chemo..
At this time I am feeling almost normal .I do have allot of tenderness and pain still in surgical site and other aches compounded by inactivity and lying only on my right side and back while sleeping . My energy level is improved and now I am able to do laundry and other chores .I feel its important for me to start getting more physical and to push myself in to a daily routine of exercise . I did purchase a dvds on how to belly dance and so far its going to be a very useful tool ...it starts out slow with a lot of relaxing stretching exercises a lot like the ones recommend to me after having lymph nodes out. I also got the nice hip scarfs to make it fun . My plan is to get the routine down and then invite my friends to come over and try it.....
Chemo starts feb 24th so I have about 2 weeks to enjoy being somewhat healthy . I have been dealing with another monster as well its nicotine !!! Wow this is truly a powerful addiction . I bought the electric smoke  but i pretty much want no part of it prob because it contains no nicotine , I have also been reading Allen Carr's book to help mentally quit.. not finished the book yet but still smoking but I am starting to  evaluate and question every smoke i put in my body hopefully in the near future I will be done Of that evil monster.
Alicia was here 3 weeks I am soooo blessed to have such an amazing , mature , beautiful ,sensitive daughter . She has helped me in ways she will never know . It is very hard to say good bye to her when she leaves there are a lot of tears more so from her as I take after ma and hold allot in ...but I know she will be there everyday by my side :))))