Blood work went good on Monday and then Tuesday they inserted a picc (a catheter that goes in my vein ) It all went smoothly and the health care team were pretty awesome it was pretty much painless,
having this put in meant my chemo went a lot easier as far as injection and damage to my skin, veins and arms . It will be left in my arm for the duration of my chemo treatments . I can't lift more then 5 lbs and have a nurse come in once a week for dressing change and flushing . It is all worth it in the end .
Treatment day was ok felt some extreme nausea as it was being administered but other then that energy and spirits were up for a few days I suspect the increase in steroids and anti nausea meds have helped .
Day 5 and things are going down hill fast. 2 days of extreme nausea , mouth and throat changes . It feels like razor blades all throughout my tongue and throat . Times like this I feel like giving up but I push myself to get out of bed and ride the wave , as I know once again It will not last forever and it will pass. I had a good idea that this round would be a tough one as its the last dose of the "red stuff" I will have a 4 week break this time . I am at the half way mark !!! 3 more rounds to go and I will be soooo glad when this is all behind me .
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Friday, 30 March 2012
Hate Is A Strong Word
Hate is such a strong word not usual for my vocabulary but I Hate Cancer!!!!. This post is not going to be a pleasant one and it may be a bit of a rant .
Cancer, beware of its evil ways as you go about your life complaining about the mundane and trivial events , cancer is lurking around you . It will not grab hold of you at first its other people in your life a friend of a friend , a co-workers aunt , an uncle twice removed . You hear different stories everyday on the news ect. but your life its not touching ? but just just wait for it it will happen , it will come in on you on top of your life no warning (or very little) and like a great big ugly explosion it will pounce .
I hate cancer because of many reasons . It has no mercy and no age limit , cancer will strike anyone at anytime . It has shorten the life of too many people . The treatments have come along way but are still barbaric.... Slash , poison and burn . I hate cancer for all the suffering from the person with the disease and the people who love them and care for them . I just Hate it!!!!
Now that I got that out of my system I need to say Cancer can have positive effects on our life .
It can make us realise our mortality and bring us closer to what is really important in life , Sometimes we can get lost in our busy lives. Really most of us take for granted how important it is to go out of your way for someone important in your life . I mean we say to ourselves " I don't feel like going there for a visit " but in reality YOU should . If anything that's good that comes out of death and illness its you appreciate the time you have left in your life . As we all know we are not on this earth forever.What I am trying to say is make more time for people, go to that dinner party , walk in the park or visit a sick person in the hospital or seniors building . Make your time count here , push your love ones to get regular checkups as early detection is life or death .
Cancer, beware of its evil ways as you go about your life complaining about the mundane and trivial events , cancer is lurking around you . It will not grab hold of you at first its other people in your life a friend of a friend , a co-workers aunt , an uncle twice removed . You hear different stories everyday on the news ect. but your life its not touching ? but just just wait for it it will happen , it will come in on you on top of your life no warning (or very little) and like a great big ugly explosion it will pounce .
I hate cancer because of many reasons . It has no mercy and no age limit , cancer will strike anyone at anytime . It has shorten the life of too many people . The treatments have come along way but are still barbaric.... Slash , poison and burn . I hate cancer for all the suffering from the person with the disease and the people who love them and care for them . I just Hate it!!!!
Now that I got that out of my system I need to say Cancer can have positive effects on our life .
It can make us realise our mortality and bring us closer to what is really important in life , Sometimes we can get lost in our busy lives. Really most of us take for granted how important it is to go out of your way for someone important in your life . I mean we say to ourselves " I don't feel like going there for a visit " but in reality YOU should . If anything that's good that comes out of death and illness its you appreciate the time you have left in your life . As we all know we are not on this earth forever.What I am trying to say is make more time for people, go to that dinner party , walk in the park or visit a sick person in the hospital or seniors building . Make your time count here , push your love ones to get regular checkups as early detection is life or death .
Thursday, 22 March 2012
Them Little Hairs/Round 2
About a week ago , I felt I was in a strong frame of mind and decided I was ready to shave my head.
I had a few great friends over had some drinks and laughs and yes some tears . Overall it went really well and It was the best decision .The past few days the little bit of hair remaining on my head turned into a thousand needles it was so awful the hair was pretty much dead and just a small tug and it was falling out .. Kevin's dad had came to this point when he was going through chemo and he decided to uses duck tape to lift the hairs that were about to fall out . I decided to try this as I was at the end of my rope it was painful. I couldn't lay my head down as it felt like I was lying on a porcupine and a million quills were sticking in me .The duct tape worked well (And Yet Another use ) It was some what disgusting and I know look like a skinned cat but I felt relieved and was better to sleep .
Round 2 chemo appointment time 230 . The situation across Canada re iv anti drugs ect are not available , as a results just more pills to take prior . The nurses at the cancer centre are awesome they had their patience tested with me today in the end they had to do 3 iv sites from the troubles working with a caustic substance the red cool aid . 3 and a half hours later I was done . It took much longer to administrate then normal a port will be requested to solve these issues .
I felt like crap last night and took meds and was prob asleep by 8 slept well ...Very nauseated at the moment Going to try to do a little moving and stretching... laying around is not good .
I had a few great friends over had some drinks and laughs and yes some tears . Overall it went really well and It was the best decision .The past few days the little bit of hair remaining on my head turned into a thousand needles it was so awful the hair was pretty much dead and just a small tug and it was falling out .. Kevin's dad had came to this point when he was going through chemo and he decided to uses duck tape to lift the hairs that were about to fall out . I decided to try this as I was at the end of my rope it was painful. I couldn't lay my head down as it felt like I was lying on a porcupine and a million quills were sticking in me .The duct tape worked well (And Yet Another use ) It was some what disgusting and I know look like a skinned cat but I felt relieved and was better to sleep .
Round 2 chemo appointment time 230 . The situation across Canada re iv anti drugs ect are not available , as a results just more pills to take prior . The nurses at the cancer centre are awesome they had their patience tested with me today in the end they had to do 3 iv sites from the troubles working with a caustic substance the red cool aid . 3 and a half hours later I was done . It took much longer to administrate then normal a port will be requested to solve these issues .
I felt like crap last night and took meds and was prob asleep by 8 slept well ...Very nauseated at the moment Going to try to do a little moving and stretching... laying around is not good .
Tips for women newly diagnoised with breast cancer
I am almost half way through my total treatment time, and I Have gained a wealth of knowledge . I believe it is power . It had helped me prepare for each leg of my journey . The following is a list of some tips that have helped me prepare .
**Learn everything about your disease . You can do it at your own pace but when you are diagnosed everything moves quite fast and it helps to be prepared . When you get together with your health care team ,you will receive a lot of pamphlets on everything . Take the time to read as later it will be mandatory to go to a chemo class and everything is disused there.
**Get your self a day timer or book , there will be many people phoning you about appointments and what not .Its good to have to jot down any questions you may have to your surgeon or oncologist.
**Keeping my mind busy has helped throughout this as well as keeping my body relaxed . I bought puzzles, games , books , there is going to be some down time through surgeries, chemo and radiation.
I bought a how to belly dance for fitness ,even got a bunch of hip scarves to make it fun . I find these videos really good at relaxing the body . You will need to do specific exercises after surgery and this video is very comparable to what is needed to prevent frozen shoulder for example.
**Lean on someone , you will feel better if you are open and have someone in your life to release all the fears and emotions.
** Prepare for side effects, breast cancer is merciless to a woman's body first you will more then likely have surgery ,depending on your cancer or your choice you will have a piece or your whole breast remove . You can't deal with with all aspects of your disfigured body until you are through treatment which will depend on individual cases but in the meantime , Get yourself a comfortable bra ,front closer and one that has lots of support like a sports bra, I like to wear a lot of tank tops that are cotton for sleeping and just around the house. You maybe going home with a tube under your arm for a week, if there is lymph node involvement.
** Drink water, put healthy foods in your body , and try to get your rest. I had to take sleeping pills .At least I know I will get 4 hours.
**Prepare for hair loss, not all chemo will have that effect but your oncologist will inform you.
My hair was half way down my back and as soon as I was diagnosed I cut it to my shoulder , then a week before chemo cut it short . I went shopping with family members and pick up a cheap wig , scarves and hats . It made me feel better knowing I had something to wear on my head . It was good to include loved ones as it helps them to prepare for your new look . A week after I started chemo I arranged for a few friends to come over I picked up a few wigs and shaved my head ,We had fun with the different looks . I also registered for a look good feel good program I will be attending this tonight with my bff Cheryl
**Stay positive! Its normal to have bouts of depression but there is always a light through out any hard time in your life . I see that this is not my life... its just a year in it ! It will bring me closer to loved ones and make me yet a stronger woman .
** make sure before you start chemo you have some easy foods at home to eat , Jello's Popsicles,soup, crackers ,ginger ale , hard mints ,yogurt, cheese, fruit and eggs.
There are more tips to come just a few for now . Hope this helps someone out there in their journey.
**Learn everything about your disease . You can do it at your own pace but when you are diagnosed everything moves quite fast and it helps to be prepared . When you get together with your health care team ,you will receive a lot of pamphlets on everything . Take the time to read as later it will be mandatory to go to a chemo class and everything is disused there.
**Get your self a day timer or book , there will be many people phoning you about appointments and what not .Its good to have to jot down any questions you may have to your surgeon or oncologist.
**Keeping my mind busy has helped throughout this as well as keeping my body relaxed . I bought puzzles, games , books , there is going to be some down time through surgeries, chemo and radiation.
I bought a how to belly dance for fitness ,even got a bunch of hip scarves to make it fun . I find these videos really good at relaxing the body . You will need to do specific exercises after surgery and this video is very comparable to what is needed to prevent frozen shoulder for example.
**Lean on someone , you will feel better if you are open and have someone in your life to release all the fears and emotions.
** Prepare for side effects, breast cancer is merciless to a woman's body first you will more then likely have surgery ,depending on your cancer or your choice you will have a piece or your whole breast remove . You can't deal with with all aspects of your disfigured body until you are through treatment which will depend on individual cases but in the meantime , Get yourself a comfortable bra ,front closer and one that has lots of support like a sports bra, I like to wear a lot of tank tops that are cotton for sleeping and just around the house. You maybe going home with a tube under your arm for a week, if there is lymph node involvement.
** Drink water, put healthy foods in your body , and try to get your rest. I had to take sleeping pills .At least I know I will get 4 hours.
**Prepare for hair loss, not all chemo will have that effect but your oncologist will inform you.
My hair was half way down my back and as soon as I was diagnosed I cut it to my shoulder , then a week before chemo cut it short . I went shopping with family members and pick up a cheap wig , scarves and hats . It made me feel better knowing I had something to wear on my head . It was good to include loved ones as it helps them to prepare for your new look . A week after I started chemo I arranged for a few friends to come over I picked up a few wigs and shaved my head ,We had fun with the different looks . I also registered for a look good feel good program I will be attending this tonight with my bff Cheryl
**Stay positive! Its normal to have bouts of depression but there is always a light through out any hard time in your life . I see that this is not my life... its just a year in it ! It will bring me closer to loved ones and make me yet a stronger woman .
** make sure before you start chemo you have some easy foods at home to eat , Jello's Popsicles,soup, crackers ,ginger ale , hard mints ,yogurt, cheese, fruit and eggs.
There are more tips to come just a few for now . Hope this helps someone out there in their journey.
Saturday, 3 March 2012
Full on ugly cry
I woke up yesterday and my daughter had this posted on facebook . It was the first time I had heard this song . Its amazing how much I could relate to the words . The emotions started pouring some sadness and some just feeling all the love my daughter was sending me through the use of this video , I love you more then words can say Alicia and I know with you standing by my side and lovin me through it all makes my journey an easier road to travel .
That above was an example of a full on ugly cry. From the beginning of all this there has been a few and I'm sure more to come . The day before I was to start chemo was probable the hardest day for me to control my emotions . I had broke down pretty bad that afternoon , sobbing uncontrollable , anticipating what was about to happen . Poor Kevin wrapped his arms around me again in love and support ,It was a longer cry then usual went to get a shower to try to compose myself but the tears were like an endless faucet . I think now looking back it was just everything coming to a head months of dealing with surgeries and now finally the treatment will begin . In a way it hit home "you are sick " and still there was a little relieve that finally the treatment will begin and such it will end .
Its day 5 since they first administered chemo treatment ....Its been going well ,from getting the medicine at the cancer treatment to dealing with side affects . The medication for the most part is working on dealing with the overwhelming feelings of nausea . day 2 had a flush face that looked liked I had a sunburn but subsided over the next few days , night sweats and other hormonal changes I've been noticing .I get bouts of energy and take advantage of theses moment by doing housework , cooking and doing my belly dancing routine .. then there are moments of tiredness and just a feeling of weakness . Overall the fist week has been good . I've been up since 2 am and now have a bout of insomnia but doing ok . I do have tons of thoughts that constantly take up space in my head and most are cancer related sometimes I am around people and trying to be in the moment but in my world my head is pumping out thoughts about everything pertaining to my cancer . The one thing that has been on my mind is my up and coming hair lose . I know "its only hair" , "it will grow back" , "there are lots of wigs,hat and scarves" ....I hear this from so many people and I say it to myself at times but the bottom line is NO WOMAN wants to loose her hair and it just plain sucks!!!!!! no matter how positive everyone tries to be "its going to be and is! a great big wave that I must get through ." I know in hindsight I will be fine with it eventually but I also know its going to be one hard moment to deal with . They tell me about day 14 I will start to loose clumps .I want to shave my head before this as I feel it would be harder to deal with . I figure I have about less then a week to shave my head It will be traumatic for me in the beginning but I do realise its a small price to pay for a possible cure .
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Riding the waves
The days until I start my first chemo treatment are down to 2 . I start on Monday feb.27th this date was pushed up 3 days not sure why but I just go with the flow . The date now is actually on my diseased oldest brother's birthday , we lost Gary in a sudden and tragic illness/accident . I think about him often especially since being diagnosed with this life threatening disease. I think of him in a better place watching over me and know he too by my side giving me hope and strength to fight and overcome this monster inside .
I went to the cancer centre for a chemo class . There were about 30 other people in attendance , all walks of life , men and women all there for the same reason about to be treated for various cancers. Most had some family support and some were alone . I as usual had Kevin there with me ,there is not a day that goes by I thank God for Kevin he is such a great support for me . The class itself was a review of all the information I had already received in many pamplets , books ect that they give to you when first starting this journey ..Kevin's sense of humour was as active as ever and helped me get through all the explanations about the waves I was about to ride in this journey . Its some serious stuff and could be very emotionally draining . When I looked around at other people I did noticed that a few people were overcome and were having a hard time with the whole process . I did ok through it all in part because I have gained a wealth of knowledge about my disease and treatments before this class so there were really no suprises for me and of course Kevin kept me giggling at times with his insane sense of humour . At the end of the lecture we did a tour of the chemo place where they will be administrating my treatment , there were about 30 people getting treatments , lots of RN's in blue gowns .There was also a good size waiting room where another 15 people sat and waited for their treatment . I was approched by a healthteam professional , she proceeded to give me a booklet to overlook over the weekend . I was asked to take part in a Randomize, Double blinded placebo-controlled study as a treatment for women with early stage breast cancer with high risk for recurrence I was already informed I was going to be asked when I first met with my oncologist a few weeks back . It is up to me if I choose to do this I have the weekend to make my final decision . I have already read all the information givin.
I 've been up since about 330 am ,the mind was wondering about and sometimes it goes to pretty dark places but I am pretty good at snapping it back to happier thoughts. I find however when my head is active with thoughts there is no real way of silencing it so I got up started to check online for some stuff for my wedding , Its a happy time for me and Kevin underneath all the cancer stuff . Riding the waves is what this journey is all about I realise there will be big ones ,small ones , rough and smooth ones . In the end I beleive they will take me to the place I am meant to be .
I went to the cancer centre for a chemo class . There were about 30 other people in attendance , all walks of life , men and women all there for the same reason about to be treated for various cancers. Most had some family support and some were alone . I as usual had Kevin there with me ,there is not a day that goes by I thank God for Kevin he is such a great support for me . The class itself was a review of all the information I had already received in many pamplets , books ect that they give to you when first starting this journey ..Kevin's sense of humour was as active as ever and helped me get through all the explanations about the waves I was about to ride in this journey . Its some serious stuff and could be very emotionally draining . When I looked around at other people I did noticed that a few people were overcome and were having a hard time with the whole process . I did ok through it all in part because I have gained a wealth of knowledge about my disease and treatments before this class so there were really no suprises for me and of course Kevin kept me giggling at times with his insane sense of humour . At the end of the lecture we did a tour of the chemo place where they will be administrating my treatment , there were about 30 people getting treatments , lots of RN's in blue gowns .There was also a good size waiting room where another 15 people sat and waited for their treatment . I was approched by a healthteam professional , she proceeded to give me a booklet to overlook over the weekend . I was asked to take part in a Randomize, Double blinded placebo-controlled study as a treatment for women with early stage breast cancer with high risk for recurrence I was already informed I was going to be asked when I first met with my oncologist a few weeks back . It is up to me if I choose to do this I have the weekend to make my final decision . I have already read all the information givin.
I 've been up since about 330 am ,the mind was wondering about and sometimes it goes to pretty dark places but I am pretty good at snapping it back to happier thoughts. I find however when my head is active with thoughts there is no real way of silencing it so I got up started to check online for some stuff for my wedding , Its a happy time for me and Kevin underneath all the cancer stuff . Riding the waves is what this journey is all about I realise there will be big ones ,small ones , rough and smooth ones . In the end I beleive they will take me to the place I am meant to be .
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
Treatment/oncologist
A phone call from the cancer clinic was a bit hard for me . They were calling to set up an appointment with the oncologist . I think it just brought home the fact Of my illness . I met the oncologist and other team members , Kevin and Alicia were there every step as I was examined ,questioned and then informed of recommended treatment for my cancer. I will be having 6 rounds over 5 months of chemo , rest, 6 weeks of radiation and 5 years of hormone treatment . I feet very comfortable with the doctors and nurse . I try and just deal with things a day at a time or at least one aspect of the treatment and or side affects ... I feel for me I need to be informed and educate myself along the way , they say knowledge is power and I am a firm believer. I also need to be proactive like I will decide when to shave my head before its affected by chemo drugs .
I've had a bone scan and chest ex ray ,there is a spot on my sterun and I will be having a chest abdomen and pelvic ct also I had blood work and a mugga scan ( this is a scan that will give them a base line on how my heart is working at pumping blood ect as the chemo affects the heart it is a standard test to have before chemo..
At this time I am feeling almost normal .I do have allot of tenderness and pain still in surgical site and other aches compounded by inactivity and lying only on my right side and back while sleeping . My energy level is improved and now I am able to do laundry and other chores .I feel its important for me to start getting more physical and to push myself in to a daily routine of exercise . I did purchase a dvds on how to belly dance and so far its going to be a very useful tool ...it starts out slow with a lot of relaxing stretching exercises a lot like the ones recommend to me after having lymph nodes out. I also got the nice hip scarfs to make it fun . My plan is to get the routine down and then invite my friends to come over and try it.....
Chemo starts feb 24th so I have about 2 weeks to enjoy being somewhat healthy . I have been dealing with another monster as well its nicotine !!! Wow this is truly a powerful addiction . I bought the electric smoke but i pretty much want no part of it prob because it contains no nicotine , I have also been reading Allen Carr's book to help mentally quit.. not finished the book yet but still smoking but I am starting to evaluate and question every smoke i put in my body hopefully in the near future I will be done Of that evil monster.
Alicia was here 3 weeks I am soooo blessed to have such an amazing , mature , beautiful ,sensitive daughter . She has helped me in ways she will never know . It is very hard to say good bye to her when she leaves there are a lot of tears more so from her as I take after ma and hold allot in ...but I know she will be there everyday by my side :))))
I've had a bone scan and chest ex ray ,there is a spot on my sterun and I will be having a chest abdomen and pelvic ct also I had blood work and a mugga scan ( this is a scan that will give them a base line on how my heart is working at pumping blood ect as the chemo affects the heart it is a standard test to have before chemo..
At this time I am feeling almost normal .I do have allot of tenderness and pain still in surgical site and other aches compounded by inactivity and lying only on my right side and back while sleeping . My energy level is improved and now I am able to do laundry and other chores .I feel its important for me to start getting more physical and to push myself in to a daily routine of exercise . I did purchase a dvds on how to belly dance and so far its going to be a very useful tool ...it starts out slow with a lot of relaxing stretching exercises a lot like the ones recommend to me after having lymph nodes out. I also got the nice hip scarfs to make it fun . My plan is to get the routine down and then invite my friends to come over and try it.....
Chemo starts feb 24th so I have about 2 weeks to enjoy being somewhat healthy . I have been dealing with another monster as well its nicotine !!! Wow this is truly a powerful addiction . I bought the electric smoke but i pretty much want no part of it prob because it contains no nicotine , I have also been reading Allen Carr's book to help mentally quit.. not finished the book yet but still smoking but I am starting to evaluate and question every smoke i put in my body hopefully in the near future I will be done Of that evil monster.
Alicia was here 3 weeks I am soooo blessed to have such an amazing , mature , beautiful ,sensitive daughter . She has helped me in ways she will never know . It is very hard to say good bye to her when she leaves there are a lot of tears more so from her as I take after ma and hold allot in ...but I know she will be there everyday by my side :))))
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