Full on ugly cry

I woke up yesterday and my daughter had this posted on facebook . It was the first time I had heard this song . Its amazing how much I could relate to the words . The emotions started pouring some sadness and some just feeling all the love my daughter was sending me through the use of this video , I love you more then words can say Alicia and I know with you standing by my side  and lovin me through it all makes my journey an easier road to travel .

That above was an example of a full on ugly cry. From the beginning of all this there has been a few and I'm sure more to come . The day before I was to start chemo was probable the hardest day for me to control my emotions . I had broke down pretty bad that afternoon , sobbing uncontrollable , anticipating what was about to happen . Poor Kevin wrapped his arms around me again in love and support ,It was a longer cry then usual went to get a shower to try to compose myself but the tears were like an endless faucet . I think now looking back it was just everything coming to a head months of dealing with surgeries and now finally the treatment will begin . In a way it hit home "you are sick " and still there was a little relieve that finally the treatment will begin and such it will end .

Its day 5 since they first administered  chemo treatment ....Its been going well ,from getting the medicine at the cancer treatment to dealing with side affects . The medication for the most part is working on dealing with the overwhelming feelings of nausea . day 2 had a flush face that looked liked I had a sunburn but subsided over the next few days , night sweats and other hormonal changes I've been noticing .I get bouts of energy and take advantage of theses moment by doing housework , cooking and doing my belly dancing routine .. then there are moments of tiredness and just a feeling of weakness . Overall the fist week has been good . I've been up  since 2 am and now have a bout of insomnia but doing ok . I do have tons of thoughts that constantly take up space in my head and most are cancer related sometimes I am around people and trying to be in the moment but in my world my head is pumping out thoughts about everything pertaining to my cancer . The one thing that has been on my mind is my up and coming hair lose . I know "its only hair" , "it will grow back" , "there are lots of wigs,hat and scarves" ....I hear this from so many people and I say it to myself at times but the bottom line is NO WOMAN wants to loose her hair and it just plain sucks!!!!!! no matter how positive everyone tries to be "its going to be and is! a great big wave that I must get through ." I know in hindsight I will be fine with it eventually but I also know its going to be one hard moment to deal with . They tell me about day 14 I will start to loose clumps .I want to shave my head before this as I feel it would be harder to deal with . I figure I have about less then a week to shave my head It will be traumatic for me in the beginning but I do realise its a small price to pay for a possible cure .