I believe I am writing here to help release some pent up emotions . Writing can be cathartic I have heard that statement more then once in the past few weeks . It is true .
It has been 2 weeks of waiting and trying to keep busy so that my mind is not consumed with all the possible outcomes of my upcoming surgery . One week to go ... it hasn't been easy thinking about the unknown and what the new year will bring . I am trying to keep positive and listening to all my friends and family who say you can do this and I am strong ect... My response is always I can do it and I am strong and will get through it just have to take it one thing at a time . Then I have my very low points when everything seemed to be overwhelming and tears flow again without warning . "Give yourself a break your human" a cousin wrote to me this week . She is right about that and I suppose when facing an illness like this all emotions are going to appear suddenly and without warning . I have my cry and let go for as long as it last . I realize now its OK to do that once in awhile .
i just love you. yes sweetie u are human and many of us forget that. u are always the strongest one and had all are answers and many many kleenex for us. it was always karen like bull which just meant you could handle all my shit i get into and we both know that is alot. karen you helped me out of all that and now i am heree useless with this monster attacking you. you are not alone but i guess no matter how many of us are around you we just dont get. if i could take it from your body and give it to me i would in a heart beat, hell with everything else wrong with me my body wouldnt know it was there. i cannot do that , hell i wish. just know i love you and every now and then you feel warm that is me giving u a lots of love huggers...i miss you keep happy and it will be all sunshine and lollipops nope make that tootsie rolls...huggers
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