Riding the waves

The days until I start my first chemo treatment are down to 2 . I start on Monday feb.27th this date was pushed up 3 days not sure why but I just go with the flow . The date now is actually on my diseased oldest brother's birthday , we lost Gary in a sudden and tragic illness/accident . I think about him often especially since being diagnosed with this life threatening disease. I think of him  in a better place watching over me and know he too  by my side giving me hope and strength to fight and overcome this monster inside .
I went to the cancer centre for a chemo class . There were about 30 other people in attendance , all walks of life , men and women all there for the same reason about to be treated for various cancers. Most had some family support and some were alone . I as usual had Kevin there with me  ,there is not a day that goes by I thank God for Kevin he is such a great support for me . The class itself was a review of all the information I had already received in many pamplets , books ect that they give to you when first starting this journey ..Kevin's sense of humour was as active as ever and helped me get through all the explanations about the waves I was about to ride in this journey . Its some serious stuff and could be very emotionally draining . When I looked around at other people I did noticed that a few people were overcome and were having a hard time with the whole process . I did ok through it all in part because I have gained a wealth of knowledge about my disease and treatments before this class so there were really no suprises for me and of course Kevin kept me giggling at times with his insane sense of humour . At the end of the lecture we did a tour of the chemo place where they will be administrating my treatment  , there were about 30 people getting  treatments , lots of RN's in blue gowns .There was also a good size waiting room where another 15 people sat and waited for their treatment . I was approched by a healthteam professional ,   she proceeded to give me a booklet to overlook over the weekend . I was asked to take part in a Randomize, Double blinded placebo-controlled study as a treatment for women with early stage breast cancer with high risk for recurrence I was already informed I was going to be asked when I first met with my oncologist a few weeks back . It is up to me if I choose to do this I have the weekend to make my final decision . I have already read all the information givin.
I 've been up since about 330 am ,the mind was wondering about and sometimes it goes to pretty dark places but I am pretty good at snapping it back to happier thoughts. I find however when my head is active with thoughts there is no real way of silencing it so I got up started to check online for some stuff for my wedding , Its a happy time for me and Kevin underneath all the cancer stuff . Riding the waves is what this journey is all about I realise there will be big ones ,small ones ,  rough and smooth ones . In the end I beleive they will take me to the place I am meant to be .